A Chosen Fool

Emotionally I was hit by an atomic bomb.  I decided to resign from the church.  I didn’t feel that I could serve the church as it needed in the condition I was in.  I became numb, and in the process I closed in on myself.  Unfortunately, I allowed much of my life to run on auto pilot.  The problem with that is that life doesn’t have an auto pilot.  Who knew!  As the year progressed, my life began to fall apart from neglect.  My relationships weakened, our finances withered, and my passion (for anything) dimmed.  2008 felt like a very dark time to me.

However, as I have been reflecting on 2008, I found myself looking through pictures taken over the year and there was a lot of good too.  God reminded me through them that He remains faithful and good no matter what our circumstances.  Through reflection I also see now that I was living primarily on my own strength and His only as a backup.  He has used this year to strip me down and bring me to a point to where I have to rely on Him as my primary strength each day.

When I look forward to 2009, I am both scarred and excited.  I’m scared about the “what if’s”, all the things that could happen or might not happen.  But I’m excited because He has breathed new strength into my faith and the “what if’s” don’t look quite that big anymore.  They say that 2009 is the year of change and hope.  In my life I believe that to be true.  Perhaps as the year unfolds I will expound on the change and hope God is bringing to my life.

Until then may you all have a blessed year.